My first boyfriend and me were together for a year and a half. We were happy. It was not always easy... there were tears, fights and apologies but there were also deep feelings for each other, real connection and beautiful moments. We separated when I moved to another country... I never felt so hurt in my whole life, then when I stepped into the plane that would end my first love.
It has been two years now and him and me are still in touch. We call each other occasionally and always plan on meeting up but never get to do it for some reason...
Except for this one time a few weeks ago. I was home in Munich for a short stop-over before flying to the Philippines... and we actually managed to see each other. And I got caught up in memories.
Everything was the way it used to be... he came to my house, we were lying in bed and talking about everything that has happened since the last time we saw each other, we had dinner with my parents, drove to his house, got ready to go out, met with his friends to pre-drink and went clubbing with each other. He was hugging me in the club, giving me a massage when my back was aching, and he wanted me to sleep-over at his place, since I already missed my ride home...
And I said no, because even though being with him felt so right, it was very wrong. He has a girlfriend, we said we had moved on, we decided that we couldn't be together anymore and that was the most painful decision I ever took, but it's a decision I wasn't going to change...
And now I miss him... I wonder what would have happened if I would have just gone home with him. Being with him always made me feel safe...
Memories are dangerous, they can break your heart, even when you thought it healed a long time ago...
There is this boy I dated last year, it was only a month, but there was this special something between us that is very rare to find... When I left the country we knew that there was no point of having a long distance relationship, since we hadn't been dating for a very long time, but we kept in touch... I was naive enough to think that when I would come back we could just continue where we left it off... It worked for exactly one night. And then everything broke to pieces. He ignored me, I was upset, he got mad because I was being dramatic, I got pissed, we aren't speaking...
Memories are scary, because some memories are better locked up some place where they can never be released again...
Some memories just hurt...
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