What happened... Where did I go wrong?

So check it out. I live in the city of love and lights, PARIS. I have amazing friends and a great family. I love my job and don't mind all the extra hours I have to put in. I live in a cozy, small condo, but I can at least call it my own and I can shop until I drop, without having to worry, that I won't have any food for the rest of the month.

All this should make me happy right. I don't only have material possesions, I also have all the great stuff that compliments it. And yet...

I am so unhappy. And the fact that I am unhappy, makes me frustrated.

If you would have asked me a couple of years ago what I wanted in life, I would have told you: "I wanna live in famous cities, go to glamorous parties, meet celebrities and wear designer clothes..." I have all that now, and funny enough I am unhappier than ever.

Yes I know, back then my desires were material and completely superficial... I should not have had to sacrifice all the good things I had in life to realize that glamour, money and fake smiles can't buy you happiness.

If I could, I would take it all back.

I would go the friends I've lost and tell them how sorry I am. So sorry that I didn't realize what they meant to me and what they brought to my life. I would tell them, that I was a bitch, for thinking my life would be just as good without them in it.

I would go to the boyfriends I've lost and tell them how sorry I am. So sorry that I've treated them like dirt. I would tell them that I was a bitch for acting like feelings weren't getting hurt and for thinking that they would never leave, cause I was too great to be put aside and stamped like just another EX.

You may think that I can do all that, and trust me, I have tried. Saying sorry is the easy part. Being forgiven, that's the hard part, because you can't make people forgive you, you just have to hope and wish that they remember who you were at some point and give you another chance.

Most of the people I've hurt never knew the real me. They may have seen glimpses of her that gave them hope that somewhere behind all that make-up and the attitude was a genuine and caring girl. Those glimpses aren't enough for them to give me a second chance. There not enough. And they shouldn't have to be.

I have everything I ever dreamed of and I am unhappy. So tell me, what's missing? Where did I go wrong? If only someone could point out to me where I took the wrong turn, I promise you, I would go back and fix it. I would....

If only I knew where to go.