When I grow up...

When I was a little girl I was dreaming of being a princess in a big castle with a big white horse. Same dream that every little girl has...

The older I got the more realistic my dream became but the main idea stayed the same... I wanted to find Prince Charming.

If you would ask me what his main strengths should be I would say: funny, good looking, affectionate, smart... all the things a girl looks for in a guy.

I have been thinking about ex-boyfriends I have had and I have come to the pathetic conclusion that I am no different than all the other silly girls walking around this world: We fall for assholes. We make lists with all the things our boyfriends should have, but we end up with the ones that have all the characteristics they should NOT have. And then we are surprised if it leaves us upset or/and heartbroken.

My own Mr. Big has made his reappearance into my life... and that is when I realised that for once I was actually happy and satifsfied with my current relationship.

Mr. Big is charming, good-looking, rich, a chronical cheater, newlywed and used to have me totally under control. I accepted everything from him, as long as he told me he needed me, that I couldn't leave him because he would be lost without me... but at the same time he would not give up his girlfriend (now wife) because he couldn't give up a long-lasting relationship in the wink of an eye.

He used to call me and I would fulfill his every command. Quite sad isn't it? But let's not fool ourselves, we all have had a man in our life that just had full control over us.

Now he is back. He is sending me messages. Wants to see me... NEEDS to see me. And quite honestly. I don't care anymore. I have stopped thinking like a grown-up fool, and went back to my girly childhood dreams of Prince Charming.

N is my Prince Charming right now... he makes me laugh and whenever I am around him I feel giggly... He doesn't take me out to fancy dinners or makes me expensive gifts, but I have lost him once before thinking that this was the type of relationship I needed. I know better now. What I need is his attention. The fact that when we fall asleep next to each other he holds me in his arms and whenever I move away he adjusts in such a way, that we are cuddling the whole night through. I am happy because he makes me laugh, he holds my hand and he wants to be a part of my life...

I know now what I want and what I need and finally they match... I don't need fancy cars, VIP tables in clubs and expensive dinners... all I need is someone that gives me the sense of being home even though my family and friends are far away. N gives me that. And that is more than money can ever buy me...