What you give is not what you get

The first month of a relationship is the nicest. You are getting to know each other and could spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week just with that one single person. 

All your friends look at you like you are mad for not getting bored of each other already and if you would get a penny for everytime they say "Oh come on, get a room" you would be rich by now.

Then the normal life starts settling back in... well... sort of.

Normally, when you come back to your "before boyfriend"-life your friends take you back in open arms. You have been there for them all this time, and you have always been there when they needed you. But then you realise that they don't spend time with you anymore, you are not included in their gossips, and they don't call when they are planning on going out to do something.

They basically just erased you from their "after school/work"-life.

How did that happen? Weren't you always there for them? Didn't you pick up the phone when they were calling crying in the middle of the night? Didn't you lie to friends to keep them out of trouble, without them even thanking you? Haven't you done all this for them?

Then why aren't they there for you as well when you reemerge from your lovey-dovey mood.

They whisper in each other ears when you are around, telling each other secrets that obviously you can't be part of. 

You gave so much for them, and they give you up because you stepped out of the party life for just a few weeks to calm down, to settle yourself and refocus. They choose celebrating with free booze and unknown guys that will pay for it over a girls night out.

That is what you have come back to. So how can anyone be surprised if you rather spend your time with someone that actually WANTS to spend time with you?

Memories

Our whole life consists of dates... birthdays, wedding anniversaries, graduation day, the day of someones death...

We spend all our time memorizing what happened on what day last year, five years ago, ten years ago... But when you start thinking about it:

Of what importance is the date? The calendar has a magic that makes us imagine a memory can be resurrected and revived, but nothing returns.

I love the whole: "We have been together for a month today".... for a year... for 32 years.

My parents have been married for 32 years... on the same day I was celebrating the end of the first month of relationship with my new boyfriend.

Isn't it funny how big something might seem to you, but how minimal it suddenly becomes when you compare it to other people?

Why do we so desperately cling on to dates of the calendar to determine our happiness? We fight and struggle to get to that one year mark... but shouldn't it just come by itself? Time should fly by and dates should be of no importance. People should not celebrate being in love once a year, but every day they are together.

We should not celebrate the day we came to the world once a year, but should embrace the fact every single day of our lifes, no matter how happy or sad we are in this moment.

No matter how much you consult your memory, the evidence, and events of the day, you'll simply end up clinging desperately to your attempt to rediscover that lost happiness and a time that has disappeared forever.

Never hold on to old memories.... just make new ones!

The sixth sense

Rumor has it, that women have a sixth sense.

I don't believe in witchcraft, voodoos and card readers... but I do actually believe that women have something like a gut intuition.

Everytime this feeling inside me grows I know for a fact that something that is not going to please me is going to happen.

I have felt a break-up 24 hours in advance, every single time. Sometimes even before the guy knew he wanted to leave me. I have always felt it when someone cheated on me, and I always knew when a friend betrayed me.

Maybe I am just really good in reading people or maybe I just have this sixth sense... but sometimes I really wish I didn't. 

Have you ever blamed yourself for a break-up? Told yourself that if you would have acted differently, that if you have told him just how you feel everything could have been different?

Some relationships are hard to forget. They are in the past and the grass has grown over them but sometimes you just start wondering... what if?

What if I had given up my life for him... what if I had invested a little more into our relationship... what if I had moved to the same country??? All questions that will never have answers. 

But today I read a quote that made me realise something that I had not understood for a long time. "If you love someone, you would be willing to give up your whole life for them. But if they loved you back, they would never ask you to!"

I always thought I had made the mistakes. I should have just ran head first through the wall, do the big jump and risk it all. But now I know... if it is really love then I shouldn't have to give up my life and my dreams for this one person... because this one person would be my life and my dreams.

Maybe I do have a gut feeling for break-ups, bad news and heartache moments... or maybe I just realise the truth that I have been hiding from myself.