Refocusing

Somehow the writing muse has left me... I've realised that I usually am inspired when I am either sad or full of joy, it sometimes makes me think I may be somewhat of a manic-depressive person. So what does it mean that I don't write?

At my sisters wedding I met one of her close friends: Chris. At first I didn't pay much attention to her and then, in the blink of eye, a friendship began. Somehow Chris saw something in me, that I thought I had hidden so well that no one could see it. The night before she left she told me: "You are a pretty girl. But you look jaded and you are too young to let your heart grow cold. There too many good things in life to feel this way." That night I came home and cried.

I cried for all the pain I've been feeling and haven't been able to share... There are so many things I feel and sometimes it feels like I can't share them with anyone. Some things I would need to get out are embarassing, some are heartbreaking and some I am ashamed of.

I'm changing my life around. I decided I need to stop accepting that this is just it. That I can't do anything about it. Any bad thing in my life I can change. I don't need to accept unhappiness. I can change the way my life is... I can take take into my own hands. And this is what I'm doing. One year. That is the goal I've set myself. In one year I'll be happy... or at least happier. In one year I'll have removed everything that's depressing in my life and started living.

I'm tired of holding my breath and waiting for life to pass by. It's time to live. Finally.