Why do people write blogs?
I personally do it because I don't like wearing my heart on my sleeve. I don't want the man I love to know that the pain of losing him is making my whole body numb when I see him. I don't want him to know that every time I bump into him, every pore of my body longs for a touch. I don't want him to know that I don't know how I am supposed to make it through the day without him.
He is the one that messed up. He is the one that destroyed everything... and as much as I have been telling myself that I could just move on, it hasn't worked. Moving on without seeing him or having him around was so easy... it was like I could pretend he never entered my life. But these past few days it was like, everywhere I turned he was there. A rave. 5000 people. And yet we manage to constantly bump into each other. He said that every time he sees me his heart stops. And yet he found comfort in the embrace of someone else.
I don't know what to do. I want to close my eyes and wake up weeks ago, when my Saturday mornings would start in his arms. I want to close my eyes and feel the warmth of his body, smell his presence and hear his laugh.
But at the same time I want to hate him. I want him to suffer the way I do. I want his heart to ache like mine does. I want him to toss and turn feeling like he messed up the only good thing in his life.
Why is it that everyone I let into my heart ends up betraying me? Why is it so hard to just be happy?
Dear God, I know what I am asking for seems meaningless compared to the sufferings of the world, but I am praying to you, to please end my pain. I just need a break. All I want is a knock on the door and a hug from the man I love. I want to put my head on his shoulder and feel safe again. I am not asking you for love or for a perfect relationship. All I want is one night where the pieces just go back together and it doesn't feel like the world is spinning out of control.
I want to be safe. I want to be happy. I want him...
I personally do it because I don't like wearing my heart on my sleeve. I don't want the man I love to know that the pain of losing him is making my whole body numb when I see him. I don't want him to know that every time I bump into him, every pore of my body longs for a touch. I don't want him to know that I don't know how I am supposed to make it through the day without him.
He is the one that messed up. He is the one that destroyed everything... and as much as I have been telling myself that I could just move on, it hasn't worked. Moving on without seeing him or having him around was so easy... it was like I could pretend he never entered my life. But these past few days it was like, everywhere I turned he was there. A rave. 5000 people. And yet we manage to constantly bump into each other. He said that every time he sees me his heart stops. And yet he found comfort in the embrace of someone else.
I don't know what to do. I want to close my eyes and wake up weeks ago, when my Saturday mornings would start in his arms. I want to close my eyes and feel the warmth of his body, smell his presence and hear his laugh.
But at the same time I want to hate him. I want him to suffer the way I do. I want his heart to ache like mine does. I want him to toss and turn feeling like he messed up the only good thing in his life.
Why is it that everyone I let into my heart ends up betraying me? Why is it so hard to just be happy?
Dear God, I know what I am asking for seems meaningless compared to the sufferings of the world, but I am praying to you, to please end my pain. I just need a break. All I want is a knock on the door and a hug from the man I love. I want to put my head on his shoulder and feel safe again. I am not asking you for love or for a perfect relationship. All I want is one night where the pieces just go back together and it doesn't feel like the world is spinning out of control.
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