Letter to my heart

Dear Heart,

Why don't you ever listen to me? That man is no good for her. He is hurting her and causing you so much pain. She takes hour-long showers, just because she tries to hide from herself that the water flowing down her face, are tears... 

Yesterday, you decided it was time for change... You decided it was time to be selfish, to think of yourself first and to leave him behind. It hurt her to think about it, but you were so damn sure about it that you managed to convince her.

And now look at you today... all hard and made of stone again. This is what he made of you.

You managed to make her call him with the idea in mind that this would be it, the last call ever made to this stupid number her fingers already know by heart (and not by brain I should mention).

And then he answered and took exactly two words to get you off track: "Hey babe". And that is where you let her down, you backed out and left her alone to deal with it. 

She got confused, stumbled over her own words and there were so many blank minutes in that conversation.

She asked about the visa, that he never seems to get. And once again the answer was: "I don't have it yet". She asked if she was going to see him for her birthday and what they were going to do... and you skipped a beat when he told her "What do you want to do? For a special occasion like that I'll definitely find some time off my busy schedule". 

Busy schedule... isn't that exactly the problem? Too busy to see his own girlfriend? And of course he says: "You know me, I'm always busy". And she was bold, for once she told him how she felt, even if she only had three brave words in that ten minutes conversation: "No, I don't". She doesn't know him anymore, the man she knows is someone else.

The man she knows would get mad at her for not writing at least once a day. The man she knows would her write her a message, just to say he misses her. The man she knows would do anything to spend just a minute with her. The man she knows cares about how she feels and what she did at work. The man she knows put her first, before anything else. The man she knows, believed she changed for him, he believed that she was faithful to him because she loved him. And he loved her...

But the man that calls himself her boyfriend now, doesn't care about anyone but himself. He doesn't care that he is being an ass, and most of all, he doesn't care that he is breaking her heart. He thinks she cheats and he doesn't have any kind words for her apart from "baby". 

So she thinks... "He thinks I cheat. He is on my wall, on my profile pictures, I am in a relationship and everyone knows. I write him and call him. I do everything, but nothing is enough". And then she realises "I am not on his wall, he deletes every post that could show that I am his girlfriend. He has no pictures of us. And his relationship status is nowhere to be seen. He doesn't call and sometimes doesn't even answer the phone. So tell me, who is the one cheating?" 

And yet, you let her down. You became soft and once again the conversation ended on her being mad at him but mostly at herself. And he said as usual "I gotta go, I'll call you later". 

A call she will never get, and when she will realise that again, it will break you again... and again... and again...

So tell me my dear heart, what is she supposed to do, when you keep deceiving her...

Back her up, because tonight, she is bringing the old Celine back, the one that parties and flirts... and she will see if the relationship she is in is worth fighting for, or if she already gave up and is just looking for the right words to tell him.

XOXO,

Brain