When I went on holidays with my friend A. all I thought about was lying by the pool and the beach and finally getting a tan.
Living at her brothers house meant more money for good food and shopping. After a relationship that was crazy, violent and completely out of the ordinary, I just wanted to resource and get back to a "normal" life, if such a thing exists.... How was I to know that from the moment I laid my eyes on F. her brother, I was going to fall completely head over heels for him.
F. is a good guy, with a stable life. A house, a restaurant, a great body, kind eyes and the most charming smile ever. But F. also has a son... and a wife, or ex-wife, or kinda wife. I don't really know.
For four days we laughed and spent time together just as friends and then somehow one thing led to another and we ended up kissing, fully dressed in the pool with only the stars as company... It was a magical moment, like in the movies. At first I thought, why not have some fun... it's the holidays and I deserve to be pampered a bit. And pampering he knows. Massages, hugs, lingering looks... F. makes you feel like you're the prettiest girl in the world and I really needed that.
When the holidays ended and I came back to Paris we started texting, two, three times a day... Beautiful messages, poetic ones, full of desire. And slowly but surely he became part of my life and I couldn't imagine starting a day without one of his motivational and romantic texts. When you hear charming words all day, it becomes easy to forget all the troubles and complications that float around...
I miss him so I offered to come and visit... He told me he would try to organize and asked me not to be mad if he had to keep it secret from HER. Somehow I managed to forget that she even existed and that was probably the silliest thing I could have done. I know he likes me and that I don't leave him indifferent. And deep down I know that his life is really complicated, considering he has a child with a women that left him and is now telling him she regrets it.
I feel like a mistress. I feel bad and dirty. I feel like I'm keeping her away from him and in a way from her son. I'm keeping them from being real family again.
I never wanted to be this... this other girl that you have to hide because you're not supposed to want to be with her. I've searched for love for a long time now and for the first time I think I need to get rid of F. because I really do like him very much and the longer I wait, the harder it will get for me to not fall in love with him.
The other girl. I'm the mistress. The cheating factor.
The unofficial one.
