All of us have been hurt before, may it be physically or psychologically. We all have scars. But what is their purpose? I believe scars are here to make us remember where we have been... but they shouldn't dictate where it is we are going.
I have been applying the pattern of failure from my past relationships to every new relationship I had. Distrust, Panic, hidden jealousy... all this has been controlling how I behave and react with every new boyfriend that came into my life.
I've met someone. Its been a little over a month and for the first time I have managed to take it day by day. I stopped reading something into every single action that he takes and I don't expect anything, nor good nor bad from him, just because others treated me this way before him.
Maybe it will work out or maybe it won't. The difference now is that I will not come out of it a broken person.
I deserve to be loved. I know this now. It may have taken me a while to find my self-esteem again but now that I have it again, I see how unbelievably silly my past mistakes were and how nothing that has happened meant I wasn't worth it... it just wasn't meant to be.
I look back at the scars lost love has left on my heart and I am learning to cherish every single one of them. Getting them was a painful process that I will never forget, but I am acknowledging the fact that, even though there may have been bad times, there were also good times. There was happiness, laughter and joy. That is what I want to remember. And those are the times I want to live again.
So I am done applying all the negativity that I have accumulated and am now applying all the positiveness I can find into my new relationship.
All that matter is that I am happy. Right now, I am just happy. As long as that feeling lasts I don't have a reason to be paranoid. If one day I wake up and am no longer happy, than he wasn't the one and prince charming is still somewhere out there waiting for me to find him.
We all have a soulmate. Some of us find him more scared than others, but we all end up finding him.
I know I'm not easy to understand. I know I keep a lot inside and I know I'm not the easiest person to read, but that's okay, cause even though there's a lot about me you'll never know, there's a lot of me you can learn to love...
